What No One Tells You About A Manic Episode

Nobody can prepare you for the onslaught of a manic episode when it hits you full-force.

No matter what you read, how many warnings you're given, what types of coping skills you have, how many times you've been through it, you're going to be blind-sided.

Nobody tells you that you can't sit still.

That you're beside yourself and you have to be doing something, anything.

You can't sit there and do the same project until it's done, you get bored shortly after it begins and you must find something else to pacify you.

Even if you know that just relaxing and staying put is the best possible thing for you, it's so difficult to do.

You're about to lose your mind.

You get cranky because you don't know what to do with yourself.

The good ideas you had quickly turn into annoying things and you don't want to do them anymore.

Work seems impossible. Your job is on the line. It's one of those things you totally lost interest in.

Your relationship gets difficult and stained. Dare I even suggest that that gets boring too? That can get irritating, that might get old. That person you're with all the time that loves you becomes the most irritating thing ever just by doing what they have always done.

And you breathe.

It's not them, it's you. Life doesn't suck, it's just in your mind. You don't need to do the million things you've on your mind, it's actually a bad idea to do them.

It's just you. It's just in your mind.

And in time, it will go away.

5 Creative Ways To Cope With Mania

So you're going through a manic episode.

You already did the list of things you "should do".

1. Call your doctor

2. Talk to your therapist

3. Notify your support group

4. Do the natural healthy stuff: Exercise, eat right,  sleep, routines, etc.

Now what? 

You're manic and so many things seem like amazing ideas at the time!

You've been down this road, and it's a train-wreck away.

Here's some ideas that I've actually done that went far to help me through this:

1. Cut up your credit cards, and even your debit card.

I have a checkbook, I know when the bank is open and closed. Even if I don't have a checkbook, the bank provides me with withdrawal slips.

Just take out enough for gas, food, and some "just in case", and ditch the plastic.

It's inconvenient and uncomfortable, and that is the point.

You're literally thinking about that cash you have in your wallet, because for now, until you get to the bank tomorrow, that's all you have.

By the time you get to the bank you've had enough time to really think about what you're about to buy through, TRUST ME.

2. Uninstall any shopping apps you have that you have saved credit card or pay pal information on.

You'll think twice once you realize you have to reinstall the app just so you can browse through their sales.

3. Take a day off work in the middle of the week if you haven't slept well in 2-3 days.

Strung out, barely sleeping and you're on the job with stress.

Even if you think you can't do it, do it. You need to reset yourself. Work is not more important than your mental health.

Take a random Wednesday off when you feel strung-out.

Try to sleep in. My advice is to do nothing. Be as lazy as you can so you can at least give your body a break even if your mind is reeling.

4. Eat more than usual if you're not sleeping.

You already got the "healthy living" tips down, but has anyone ever told you to eat more when you're not sleeping well?

Not sugar or caffeine, that's not what I'm talking about.

But your body needs fuel and you're not getting it by sleeping and refreshing yourself.

Your running on fumes because you're probably not eating much anyway.

Your body obtains fuel from somewhere to keep going. Eat a little more cereal in the morning.

5. If deleting all of your ex's phone numbers and any trace of them on your phone or social media device will save you from a night or week of poor judgments?  Just do it.

If you regret deleting it, at least you have the spare minute or two to think about it some more when trying to re-friend them on Facebook.

These are just some ideas, I'm almost positive other people have more up their sleeves they can share to help prevent yourself from even "going there" to begin with.

Get creative. As long as what you do is about helping you prevent things you know are typical of you, then that something is worth a try.

We still have to live with ourselves after these manic phases, right?

Weather Change - Manic

The weather changes, and I change.

Before I notice it, I have to show signs.

I couldn't sleep the other night so I went out for a drive. I had a lot going on and wanted to clear my head.

For some reason, I thought it'd be fine to take a long drive at 4:30 am in the morning in the heavy rain when it was dark. "Because I wanted to clear my head."

I took a wrong turn, went to turn around, and took a nose-dive into the ditch with the car I bought less than two years ago.

I didn't know what to do. I mean, I wasn't  stuck, but I had popped my bumper and definitely ruined the underside.

So I went to work and gave my husband some ridiculous excuse and lied about what I really did.

He shows up at my work, took a look at my car, and asks me if I was sure that was what happened.

I just told him the truth at that point.

It hit us both at the same time. I mean, I hadn't really displayed signs up until now. It was only really the first night I couldn't sleep.

Why is it I have to see the "signs" before I catch I'm becoming manic?

Isn't just dealing with it good enough? No! Not at all! I have to haul off and do something in order to see the changes otherwise I don't know about it!

Secondly, why does the weather, just simply changing seasons, have to trigger a mood change?

Medicate me all you want, I'm still going to change because of the weather.

Each year is a learning experience because each year I do something different. It's never the same. Each year I just "do better than last year".

I'm on 5 different medications. All help "stabilize" me.

I've tried almost every medication in the book. I know them all. I'm on the best "cocktail" I've ever had and it STILL ISN'T ENOUGH.

I keep myself in therapy even when I feel it is pointless. I figure she'll be my biggest ally when I do hit a mood episode. I continue going regardless if I think I need it or not.

Doing everything right, but it still doesn't stop me from getting those highs and lows.

I'm a high-functioning bipolar person. I'm thankful, but I belong in an institution  sometimes.

And this manic phase is worse than depression because it takes a toll on my marriage. All episodes do, but this one more-so.

And it's because of the weather. I have to suffer because of the weather, the seasons. It's honestly nothing else. I have nothing else going on to cause it.

Dare I say the truth?

Truth: Sometimes I wonder if I should just kill myself because it can suck so bad.

The fights, the racing thoughts, the irritability that I cannot help, try as I might I cannot sleep.

I still need to go to work irritable and strung-out because I need to pay for the car I just ruined yesterday.

Sometimes, I simply go to therapy to just get IT ALL out...

At times I'm tired of trying so hard, harder than others, to maintain self control and keep this bipolar buttoned-up.

It isn't my fault. I didn't do anything wrong. There's nothing "new" going on except Spring/Summer is coming.

I cry at those times when I cannot deny how I really feel. Those moments that I need to allow myself to have to just reset my mind.

I'm sick of having it harder than others to maintain a healthy, stable, normal life.

I wish I could just have it.

Selfish Bipolar Person

Someone once said to me the truest statement I've ever heard:

"Bipolar is a selfish disease."

The facts are there.

If you are not focusing on yourself almost all the time, are not keenly honed in on yourself to the point you are aware of the slightest changes in yourself. ...

You are most likely not effectively managing your mental illness.

You must catch yourself when you have a mood swing.

If you fail, you'll get a surprise AFTER you realize it with regretting whatever it is you did or said.

If you do not pay attention to your sleep, food, exercise, stress, anxiety, triggers, and that long list of other things to manage. ...

You'll figure out how badly you screwed up after you realize you weren't paying  attention.

All these things that you must pay attention to within yourself is ONLY to make sure those surrounding you do not get dragged through hell by being around you.

How messed up is that?

To effectively live we need to be extremely selfish in nature to make sure we are thinking of others.

Such an obscure truth.

I love my husband - Unconditionally

I recently posted this morning, basically about my husband feeling selfish. If you read it, the content basically says it without saying it directly.

Maybe I am the selfish one.

What he's going through matters. When he's hurting, it hurts me. It legitimately makes me feel almost as bad as he's feeling about what he is going through.

I am not going to remove my previous post; however, I am stating that regardless of the things I feel in situations or during heated moments...

I love him unconditionally.

What he does can hurt me sometimes, what he says can hurt me sometimes. His actions can hurt me at times, our arguments burn me inside... I feel that at times I hate his guts. Sometimes he annoys me. At times I cannot stand to be around him. There are even times I am thinking we're better off DIVORCED, (yes, dare I say it? Yes I will. It is the truth).

But regardless of all that, he can never do anything that will take the love I have away from him.

I will always be there for him.

There is nothing that can tear me away from him.

No, I really won't divorce is butt when we fight over the stupid things we fight about which married couples often do.

Last night I realized and thought about something. If he left me, I'd still love him, my heart would just be torn to shreds.

He's everything I ever needed and wanted. I see nobody else. He reminds me everyday that I am the only one he sees in his eyes.

I believe we'll be together forever - and I'll hold onto that until I die.